My Life

From time to time, I contemplate on the way that I spend my time.

A lot of it is in front of a computer screen, whether it is work-related, or when I get home to play some games. 

A question popped into my head: What is real?

What is worthy of contemplation?

I play a game called Counter-side, which is essentially a tower defense game with incredible artwork and graphics. But I do wonder whether it is worth spending so much time into.

I have a dream, to one day play Charlie Brown Christmas for my family on the piano every Christmas. That would mean the world to me to be able to play through the book each season. 

Shouldn't I be putting in more time into actualizing that dream if I were truly serious about it?

And yet my laziness/ default to gaming often gets the better of me.

Perhaps the difference in making dreams a reality is how often you get back into it, and not how often you give up on it.

I feel a lot of patience growing in myself nowadays, in all spheres of my life.

Anyways, another guilty pleasure I invest some time into is pornography and masturbation. That really takes the sails out of anything else I want to do for the day, but it certainly makes for a clearer head the following day / after I recover. I wonder what kind of balance / prioritization / abstinence I should put with that? 

I guess ideally, I'd be having sex with my wife instead of masturbating. Maybe this is a clear indication that I should desire a wife and be married soon. 

One thing is for sure: putting down my thoughts into this blog and creating that psychic distance sure feels good. I guess I have a lot that I think about.

Today started off so difficult. I woke up on time, but I wasn't able to muster myself out of bed for work. I dragged myself into my closet where I began praying and asking my brother for prayer. Then, and only then I was able to begin work, which to my surprise, I was able to accomplish a lot today. I showed up for motorpool formation, Sigacts and storyboard, Took Mr. Ryu's call for June 11th Plogging details. Then I had my final interview for the investigation. Wrapping up this investigation, thinking about how to go about writing the findings and recommendations. Then finished the day with the Exit counseling with the Colonel, who after talking, found out we were both UMICH grads! That was crazy.

I think the bulk of the day was facing my co-workers with my shaved head. I was kinda mentally in a block and scared of what they would think. Turns out most of them didn't even notice. lol.

Anyways, this week is a short week, and I'll be going into Seoul on Friday. Probably with a hat so as to not scare Will all at once. I think I have changed a lot. No glasses, huge body, bald head. 

I've got my exit counseling with the reserve counselor on Thursday morning as well as that height and weight that I missed today. Then my packet will be all good to go to send to MPD where they in turn will send it to HRC.

Crazy. This might actually happen - leaving the army from Korea. I am slowly beginning to believe this might happen. Want to reach out to Mr. Stephens for that Skillshare class so I don't have to do army things anymore for the last couple months. 

I find myself clicking on videos about the army on Youtube. It brings me back to when I first started, at Fort Benning.

I really wonder what lies before me after the army. I am nervous/scared/excited. And I am so proud to have served these past 4 years. Truly.